last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
