I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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