I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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