So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
