True but thats because hes a fetus.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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