bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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