today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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