He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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