Apparently you make a good broom.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
