He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I woke up under a house in Key West
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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