sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
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