His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
