I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
