I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
