you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
