True but thats because hes a fetus.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
