I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
