Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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