before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
