Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
