His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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