it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
