How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I want a musical about memes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
