i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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