Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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