I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
