I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
