I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
