i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
