I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
