I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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