Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
