I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
