oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
