I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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