Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
