my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
