I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
