i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
