if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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