You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
