Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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