Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
