tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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