A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
