So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
