I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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