just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
