My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
