i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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