HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
