If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
