just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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